I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
