I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
