Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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