i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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