Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
