He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
