just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
