since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
