Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
