They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize