I never want to see another naked old woman again.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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