Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
