just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
