i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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