I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my poor anus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
