I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
