Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
