The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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