so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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