I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
