Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
how drunk are you?
Several
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
