In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
