The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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