I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And then my night got REAL pukey
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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