took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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