It's Friday. Sex?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just found a bag of teeth...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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