i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
