The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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