I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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