Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
