i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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