i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
