Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
