wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
