You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
