Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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