I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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