I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
