God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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