There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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