You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
