My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
