Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Panties = found
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I did not marry a roomba.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
