yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
MIDGETS
????
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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