Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
