Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
