So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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