My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
