Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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