Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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