I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
