some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
