turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
