my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
