You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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