do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
