I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
