Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
