I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we're so committed to being not committed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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