I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
