Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
