I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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