Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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