I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
