Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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