So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
