Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
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Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
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Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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