My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
